This morning my husband and I headed out to Discovery Bay to play golf. Now let’s get something straight, I’m a very unenthusiastic golfer and only agree to play because my husband loves the game and is keen for me to play with him. Being the good wife that I am I smother my apprehension, grab my bright pink golf bag and begrudgingly drag my feet as I follow David to the taxi. We are playing with a friend who happens to be a great golfer and is training to be a Golf Coach, which, of course, only adds to my apprehension.
In my defense, Discovery Bay is a hard course (or are people only telling me that to make me feel better!), and a long course so I know I will be out there for the better part of the day. Instead of concentrating on my game, I stare longingly at the hills in the distance, which are home to some fabulous trails, and wish I was running instead of trying to hit this little ball, with a little club into a little hole that is a long way a way (at this point I couldn’t even see the flag).
By mid way through the first nine holes, our friend obviously realized I needed some pointers. He very gently offered advice about how to hold my arms, my feet, and my grip, how my weight should be balanced and where I should be looking. You get the idea, he was trying to pretty much correct everything I was doing, and I was happy to have the advice.
When I hit a good shot, he was very complimentary (as he tried to hide his surprise). He asked me to remember how the shot felt and then to replay it in my mind. When I lined up to the ball next time, he would get me to recall that good shot so I could try to do the same thing again. I recognized he was using a visualization technique that I often do with my Coaching and running clients, Instead of thinking about all the technical aspects of the shot, I tried to remember the feel of the swing, the weight of the club and the great sound it made when it made contact with the ball properly. It seemed such a simple thing but it made sense and got me focusing on the game and not the lure of the nearby trails.
When we got to the second nine, my game had improved marginally as had my mood. I was making an effort and it was helping. I won’t say I was enjoying the round, but I wasn’t hating it either. We lined up to a particularly nasty hole with water as far as the eye could see. My immediate response was to blurt out “there is no way I can hit over that”, and my new Coach immediately turned to me and said, “No, you won’t be able to if you think so negatively”. I was a bit taken aback but he continued, “our brain processes positives not negatives, you need to be thinking, I CAN do this”.
Of course he was right. Our unconscious brain doesn’t process negatives. If you tell someone not to think about a Blue Bear, they immediately bring to mind an image of a Blue Bear. If you say to your child “Don’t eat the sweets on the table”, they want to reach for the sweets. Instead you can reframe and say, “there is some lovely fresh fruit on the table, you should have some”.
So, I reframed my mental attitude to “I CAN” hit this little white ball over that very large expanse of water”, and you know what…I did! (the fact I hit three golf balls into the water three holes later is another story!).
By the end of 18 holes my game had improved, but more importantly, my attitude had shifted. I realized there was no point being out there unless I was going put in some effort and listen to advice. I also realized I could use my own Coaching techniques to improve my game. Being positive, being focused and being present were a start to enjoying a new activity.
I know I will never be the next Michelle Wie, but I have now realized that I can have fun trying.