I have now been an Expat Spouse (often referred to as trailing spouse) for nearly seven years. We started our overseas life in Vietnam, then moved to Malaysia and at present are living in Hong Kong. During this time I have learnt a lot about adapting to different countries, cultures and lifestyles but I have probably learnt the most about myself. There is nothing like being plonked in the middle of an Asian City where you dont know a soul for building self confidence. There are days when all you want to do is go home, and other days when the sense of achievement at having found all the ingredients for your favourite recipe is thrilling. I think the best day of all is when you suddenly realise that you have friends… not just acquaintances, but real friends that you can call up for a coffee, or a cry on their shoulder. Being an Expat can be incredibly challenging, and incredibly rewarding but at the end of the day it is how you approach the experience that makes the difference. I recently came across this article “The seven habits of a happy expat” and want to share it with you. I found the article gave some great advice and just wish I had these wise words the first time we moved. If there are any other points that you can add, or stories you would like to share, I would love to hear from you.
7 Habits of a Happy Expat
Ever wondered what makes some expatriates happy and others not so happy? Here is my take on it:
1. Happy expats are intensely curious. Coming to another land is always interesting. You get to learn about the culture, you get to experience a different way of life, you get to try new foods, and maybe even new sports and new hobbies. A whole new world opens up for you. Being curious around this new world leads to happiness.
2. Happy expats accept others as they come, they don’t judge, and they don’t try to change people to their liking. No matter how much things may bother them and no matter how much they may disagree, a judgmental attitude never gets anyone anywhere. Accepting that things run the way they do is the key to happiness.
3. Happy expats look at everything as an amazing learning experience. Someone once said that “life is always offering us new beginnings, it’s up to us whether to take them or not.” I don’t remember who said it but it’s an empowering way to look at what’s available to us at every moment of every day. And especially to those of us who get this incredible opportunity to not only travel but also live in different places.
4. Happy expats find opportunities wherever they are and they don’t lament those they’ve left behind. Life of an expatriate consists of one move after another. Sometimes we know when that move is coming and sometimes we don’t (in these days of “the crisis” many of us will move suddenly). Opportunities that were open to us in one place may not be available in another. But remember “life is always offering us new beginnings…” There will be new opportunities, so do you want to spend the time lamenting about what you left behind or do you want to spend the time listening and looking out for what’s opening up for you?
5. Happy expats know that feeling sad at times is part of the game. A happy expat doesn’t mean a giddy-at-all-times expat. A happy expat means also an expat who knows that being sad at times is part of the expatriate experience. Being sad about leaving friends behind; being sad about leaving your family far away; being sad about quitting a job or changing a career … this list can go on and on. The difference between a happy expat and an expat that’s not happy is that for the former the sadness is something that’s natural and something that doesn’t take over your life and makes a victim out of you.
6. Happy expats share. Sharing means so many different things. It may mean sharing with your friends and family when you are sad – going through the stressful times alone is no fun. It may mean sharing with a coach – a right client-coach partnership will undoubtedly make your expatriate experience richer. It may also mean sharing your experience with others, helping those like you find the best facets of their expatriate journeys.
7. Happy expats stay clear of criticism, sulking, and stonewalling. It is so very easy to blame someone else in your misfortunes. It’s easy to say that everything around you is horrible; it’s easy to sulk in your misery when you’ve convinced yourself that it’s not up to you; and it’s easy to put a barrier between you and the place you live in. Yet there is no way you are going to be happy where you live, if you consistently engage in criticism, sulking, and stonewalling. Staying clear of those attitudes will help you be happier.
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