Learning to enjoy the moment.
Karen and I have been working together for the past 18months, planning Coaching workshops and supporting each other as we both dealt with the transition of having our last child (in Karen’s case only child) leave home for University.
Karen and I are very different in personality. While I am always ready to spring in to action and strive forward at a hundred miles an hour, Karen is more holistic and calmer. She is the Ying to my Yang, which is one of the reasons our friendship works so well on a personal and business level.
Over the past six months I have listened to my wise friend and more importantly, taken heed of her advice. She knew how much I was struggling with being in Hong Kong while all my children were now back in Australia (mind you, so did just about everybody in Hong Kong!), and quietly advised me to slow down and deal with those emotions.
Instead of rushing blindly forward, trying to find activities to fill my now empty, meaningless life (a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea), Karen told me it was ok to stop and be in the moment, to acknowledge that I was mourning the loss of my very important role as a full time mother, and to embrace the emotions that came with that.
All my natural instincts said, “no, don’t stop, keep moving, ignore it and those feeling will go away”, but I didn’t.
I stopped. I cut back on some of my work. I spent more time in Australia with my children and I gave myself time to understand why I was feeling like I was. I like to think it was my breathing space, and I recognize that I’m lucky enough to have a supportive husband who understood that I needed some time to get “back to normal” as he put it.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t sit in a corner, meditate and contemplate life for six months. (Not that there is anything wrong with that). What I did was learn to be “mindful” of my emotions and understand that it If I was feeling sad one day, then I was allowed to feel like that. I found that by thinking about my emotions I gained a greater understanding of myself as a person and a new awareness of what my highest values are.
What I learnt is that being a Mother is part of who I am, and no matter how old my children are that won’t change. I recognized that living in a country apart from my children will always be a challenge for me, so I need to find a balance between the two worlds I currently live in. I understand my situation is part of my journey and I have to learn to deal with it.
It also became clear that my children have grown independent because I am not there to pick them up every time they fall, and they are fiercely proud of that fact, something that gives me comfort.
Now of course, I am back to running my life at a hundred miles an hour and working out what the next challenge will be for my husband and I. However I recognise that taking the time to stop and reflect was important for me to be able to move forward.
Next time you are feeling overwhelmed or sad, take some time out and sit with your feelings. Give yourself permission to allow those emotions to be there and work out what is behind them. By giving yourself some breathing space you will become more mindful about the person you are and how best you can work your way through a tough patch.
It certainly helped me.