It’s hard to say goodbye…

Its that time of year again. We are getting close to the finish of the school year, and work contracts are coming to an end. Some of the friends I have known for the past few years are heading home or onto other destinations. These are the people I have become close to, shared good days and bad, cried, laughed and celebrated with. They are the ones who have been there for birthdays, Easter, Christmas and everything in between. They consoled me when I was missing my children back home, and sympathized with the stress of my youngest daughter going through IB exams.  The friends I have made as an Expat take the place of my family while I’m away. So when they leave, it leaves a big gap in my life.

Hong Kong seems to be more of a long term posting than the other countries I have lived in, and I feel very lucky to have had the same friends for the three years I have been here.  Yet sadly, that’s now changing. 

I’m not sure what’s harder, being the one who is going, or the one being left behind. When you are leaving there is a sense of being in limbo. You have checked out of the life you have lived for the past few years, but not yet stepped into the new one you are heading to. Your friends continue to plan their activities, but you know you wont be part of them. It is a really strange place to be, stuck between two worlds, and not able to settle in either of them. You mourn for what you will be missing out on, the routine you have established and even the things that have always frustrated you. At the same time there is excitement about the next adventure, and starting over again.

When you are the one staying put, you have to deal with the space that is left by the friends that have gone. If a few people leave at once, then you need to make an effort to get back on the “social” scene and start again. I remember one of the lovely ladies I was close to in Vietnam telling me that after 12 years of being an Expat, she had had enough of making new friends. 

To me the process is a little like speed dating. You meet a whole bunch of people and ask the standard questions: 
“How long have you been here?” “Is this your first posting?”, “How long is your contract?”, “Do you have children?” if yes, “what School do they go to?”
If you make a connection, then you trade numbers and hope you have found a friend. If not, then you move on. Sounds easy right? 

I met a lady at a party in Malaysia when I was only new to the Country. I thought she was great and we seemed to be getting along well. However, when she got to question 3, “how long is your contract?”, and I answered, “2 years”, she said straight to my face, “Sorry, but I don’t make friends with people that are here short term”, and walked away. As you can imagine, I didn’t enjoy that party much. 

What really helps in this time of transition is the realization that if I hadn’t moved overseas then I would never had met the amazing people I have. While friends move on, and the relationships you have made alter, everyone that has come into my life has added something special. I wouldn’t change what I have experienced over the last 7 years, and I cherish the people that have been part of that journey. My life is undoubtably richer because of them. I always miss  the close contact from the friends that move on, but I take comfort in the fact that thanks to the wonders of technology, I will be able to maintain the friendships, no matter where in the world those people end up. Good luck to the lovely people who are leaving Hong Kong this summer. You will be missed.