It happens to us all. Im sure you can recall a time in your life when you felt frustrated and angry at someone. Perhaps a good friend betrayed a confidence, or a car cut you off and almost caused you to have an accident. Its so easy to react without thinking at these times and let anger rule your response. Wouldn’t it be great if you could learn to react with love and forgiveness rather than anger?
A few weeks ago I was suffering from a sore foot. One of my boot camp clients (who is also a Chinese healer), asked if she could have a look at my injury. She took my foot in both her hands and concentrated intensely for about 5 mins. She then asked if she could put her hands on my back as she felt the problem was not with my foot, but with my back. I quickly agreed as my back had given me grief for years, and I felt she was on the right path. After about 10mins of concentrating (I was getting a little worried at this point), she removed her hands and explained what she felt the problem was. Apparently it wasn’t my foot, or my back that was causing the pain, but my heart. My lovely friend went on to explain that I was holding onto a lot of anger and heartache from my past. I hadn’t forgiven the person who had caused it and while I was still holding onto that, my body wouldn’t heal.
I was stunned. She really touched a cord and in all honesty the diagnosis was spot on. I knew exactly how much anger I was holding onto, but had no idea what to do about it. I really wanted my foot to get better and i knew it was time to let go of my anger and resentment, so I decided to do a bit of research. Its funny how when you are searching for something, the universe generally provides. I received an email last week from a writer whose blog I subscribe to. She wrote on exactly the topic I had been researching. I really like the tools she has given to help move on from anger, whether it is a spur of the moment incident, or long-term pain. Have a read and hopefully you will find something you can use too. X
4 Ways to Forgive the Unforgivable
A wise woman and her young disciple were walking down the street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an angry man in a carriage drove haphazardly by the two, insensitively pushing the woman out of his way. She landed in a ditch filled with muddy water.
The woman yelled after the man in the carriage, “May you have everything you want!”
The disciple, surprised by the wise woman’s response, said: “I’m confused. Why did you say that to a man with such horrible behavior?”
The woman replied, “Because a happy man wouldn’t have thoughtlessly pushed a woman into a ditch.”
Do you agree with this woman’s response?
In my book The Bounce Back Book, I offer many tips for embracing forgiveness and liberating yourself from anger and bitterness—even in the most challenging situations.
Here are 4 empowering strategies to start today – so you can free yourself from resentments – starting today!
Say a Prayer:
Whenever angry feelings about a person who’s harmed you enter your mind, tell yourself: “We are all good, loving souls who occasionally get lost.” Pray for this person to find their way back to a happier place—in the same way the woman in this story prayed for her offender.
Focus on Gratitude:
Resist seeking happiness from the outside in. Instead, focus on gratitude exercises to bring happiness from the inside out. If you allow your mood to be at the mercy of unpredictable events and unreliable people, your happiness will be forever on a chaotic roller coaster ride! Happiness must always be an inside joy! When you are tempted to focus on all the ways the world has done you wrong, instead count your blessings by making a list of the five aspects of your life that you appreciate. It is good practice to purposefully end your day this way to keep focused.
Look for the Lesson
Many Buddhists consider huge difficulties to be a sign you’re an old soul—the bigger your misfortunes, the closer you are to enlightenment. Whether you believe this or not, it’s certainly cheery to reframe all your life’s bad events as tests of your character. If you feel particularly tested right now, ask yourself what the heck you’re being tested for! Patience? Compassion? Resilience? Forgiveness? Open-mindedness? What strengths must you develop further? Now consciously go out there and develop them!
Stay Centered
Recognize that when you respond with hate to hate, anger to anger, bitterness to bitterness, you are ironically becoming part of the problem. Choose to resist becoming like your offender and instead put in the conscious effort to remain a loving, soulful, happy person. In fact, don’t just tell your offender “May you have everything want.” Use this for a mantra to tell yourself – and re-focus all that energy of resentment into the energy to move forward to get what you want.